What happens when we have too much choice?

This is a great and meaningful TED talk by Barry Schwarz on the paradox of choice.

http://www.ted.com/talks/barry_schwartz_on_the_paradox_of_choice.html

In essence he concludes that the more choice we have, there is a finite point beyond which we actually become miserable and disaffected by this so-called "freedom to choose". A kind of law of diminishing returns.
And endless choice, he avers, is paralysing. When faced with so much 'opportunity to get just what we want', the downside is that we blame ourselves when it doesn't come up to expectations. And it is these levels of expectation that make the choosing so difficult, and so paralysing, because the responsibility has been handed down to us. If the product is inferior it somehow becomes our fault, because we should have (could have) made a better choice. Making decisions often degenerates into "But what if I choose the wrong thing? Why can't this be easier?"

I remember hearing a joke years ago about a foreigner arriving in an English town, but hardly able to speak a word. He was hungry and noticed a cafe was well frequented so he went in an joined the queue. He overheard most of the customers ordering ahead of him "Cuppa tea, chunk o' pie." So when it was his turn he copied them and asked for "Cuppa tea, chunk o' pie." It duly came and he ate and enjoyed. Weeks went by and he would regularly go down to the cafe and ask for "Cuppa tea, chunk o' pie". After a while he grew tired of the same old fare and thought he'd try something else he'd heard asked for. Next visit it was "Egg and bacon, cup o' coffee." The reply was "How d'ye like yer eggs? -fried, scrambled, poached, coddled, sunny side up, hard, soft, runny. how d'ye like yer bacon? -back, streaky, rind on or off, crispy, how d'ye like yer coffee? -black, white, frothy, milky, with or without sugar....."
He stood for a while and said "Cuppa tea, chunk o' pie."

PW

Not really a re-launch!

I'm on something of a publicity drive on my book "Don't Think of a Black Cat" at the moment. It's not really a re-launch though, more (in recorded music industry parlance) along the lines of re-issuing "back catalogue".

What's different?

Well the price of both the paperback book as well as the download version is slashed. The book you can get from AMAZON, direct from my publishers LULU or order it up in your favourite nearby bookshop. LULU also do the eBook download version. For UK based clients only you can also get personally signed copies direct from me.

Will it be useful for me?

The book is aimed at bringing a level of understading NLP to the uninitiated, the burgeoning beginner, the curious layman. The countless millions who wait for each day to "happen" to them; who perform to "the best of their abilities" without realising there is a whole heap more they themselves can bring about to improve their every experience; who suffer, often for years, events and conditions that blight their lives in varying degrees.

It is not...

It is not an academic tome, nor is it a revealing textbook. There's nothing here you won't find elsewhere in other books or online. It is more of a chronicle of my perspectives, my discoveries as I made my way in to NLP. It's written in a conversational style with plenty of "live" interventive descriptions and some occasional humour too - my first tutor and mentor liked the narrative and said it made him laugh and smile, which I took as a huge compliment. There's practical exercises too designed to allow the reader to open up to begin their own usage.

Interested, curious, tantalised, want to know more.....?
Then my work is done - the rest is down to you!

Did I get what I wanted with NLP?

Normally my interaction on sundry forums involves short posts, but occasionally I am more expansive. Recently, on NLP Connections, there was a thread which questioned "Did you get the results you were after when you first connected with NLP? Were you overjoyed - disappointed - surprised?"

My reply was thus:-

Being a lifelong student of everything, especially NLP, I'm going to have to frame my comments in the present - since in terms of what I know there's more to come and it certainly feels as though I've come a long way as well!

Am I getting the results I was after?

Yes, geometrically, exponentially. It started off slowly and gathered a momentum of its own as I moved from all the 'apply to self' scenarios into using it in a sports context with people I coach, into using it specifically with clients in mainstream and therapeutic contexts.

Am I overjoyed-disappointed-surprised?
To be fair - none of the above. For me its more like enthused, enthralled, curious and investigative.

Within the last 3 years and especially the last 18 months my view of NLP has moved from it being an entity in itself into it being a perspective of thinking, being, viewing the world, communicating with that world and the people in it. That has accelerated my enthusiasm, enthrallment and curiosity and level of investigation.

What I once viewed as the 'core' of NLP seems now, in my understanding at any rate, to have more body of material outside it than inside. In that there is more and more to be discovered beyond the confines, as this 'way of thought and action' spills over into neighbouring disciplines and newly emerging processes. Its rather like broadening one's vocabulary when learning a language whilst, all the time, that language is also expanding.

Many clients ask me what NLP is, perhaps expecting (from how it has been described to them) that I will be 'doing it' to, with and for them. Every answer I give is different, probably tailored by my unconscious understanding of how the answer might be most useful for them. This isn't from some arrogant standpoint being that 'I know what's best for you'. Its more from the point of giving a natural, interesting and revealing answer in a natural, interesting and revealing way. I'm not expecting to be "right" with these answers, and for some the answers may be so far from the 'defined norm' that I might appear that I don't know what I'm talking about! In a lot of cases I am deliberately (and artfully) vague - which is particularly disarming for them and thus permits a level of unconscious dialogue that may not be possible in other ways.

I have some wonderful gurus and teachers who accompany me on this journey of discovery. Most of them are not aware I hold them in this status! I am particularly fortunate in that by having to pay for all my tuitions myself, that I have trodden outside the borders of training-for-trainings-sake. I suppose I've been lucky in that financial constraints have made me take the better route to choosing courses and trainers since, as you say Chris (Chris Morris, forum moderator), there is an element of the 'less than honourable' out there in the marketplace. However - there are many in our 'community' who do what they do for the greater benefit of the community - and one of those great benefits is a this particular web forum. I have gained much help, information and stimulus by my involvement here.

To conclude - I know that had I NOT studied and started using NLP over the last 15-18 years that (a) I wouldn't be the inner person I am now, (b) wouldn't be capable of doing the things I am doing now, (c) wouldn't be as effective a coach or therapist as I am now. I also know that I will never arrive at the 'temple of knowingness' and rather everything is just a step along the journey of knowledge. That way, tomorrow I will be more effective, thoughtful, creative and fascinated than today.

The Meaning, the Words and Music

An online friend posted this quote today which got me musing and contemplating:-

The fish trap exists because of the fish. Once you've gotten the fish you can forget the trap. The rabbit snare exists because of the rabbit. Once you've gotten the rabbit, you can forget the snare. Words exist because of meaning. Once you've gotten the meaning, you can forget the words. Where can I find a man who has forgotten words so I can talk with him? ~ Chuang Tzu

Here's where I've reached thus far...

The words are the vehicle for the meaning -
When a man has forgotten the words, does he retain the meaning?
If he forgets the words through lack of attention (and retention) has he ever had the meaning in the first place? -
If I have found the meaning and someone seeks me out to talk with me, in order to convey the meaning to him will I need words to transmit or convey that meaning? -
If this is so and I have forgotten the words, where will I find them?

And so it is thus, there are more questions than answers!

In applying the Chuang Tzu quote to music, we realise that the meaning is hidden in the relationship between the notes, the silences, the rhythm, the tempo.
And if the meaning is thus hidden, can we always re-generate that meaning using the same exact relationships? Or are those identical musical notational relationships also dependent upon our perceptive filters and interpretations and state of mind?
Furthermore this leads to the performer of the musical notations, and HIS understanding of the meaning, and also his changing states of mind.

So my conclusions (at this moment in time you understand!) are that - for an understanding AND conveyance of meaning, words and music are equally important. And, the better we use them, the more meaning we can receive and impart.

I genuinely feel that music is a non-verbal language, and actually conveys more meaning at higher levels than words do.