When you're an 8 year old there's no "box" to think outside!

I was working at some cricket fielding exercises with a group of six Under 11 cricketers - and in particular I did a competition with them at throwing and hitting the target stumps from about 15m away.

After we finished this I asked them what is the most important thing to do when trying to hit the stumps, and they all echoed at once, "We need to concentrate by looking at the target." - Pretty straightforward so far. Then I invited them to consider something a little 'outside the box'. "How good do you think you'll be at hitting the stumps when you throw with your eyes closed?" Some thought they stood no chance because they'd only managed one or two hits with their eyes open. Others (especially all the youngest ones) just took it in their stride, without even considering it was an 'outside the box' request.

We ran the same competition, this time throwing with eyes closed - with some hits and a lot of very near misses. Eventually after 2 rounds we had two contenders for a deciding throw-off. One was a young county player and the other was a beginner aged only 8 (though quite technically astute.)
The eventual winner was the beginner. I got them all in a huddle and then did a post-competition "interview" with the winner. "What was your secret to winning," I said, "what did you do specially so we can give your advice to everyone else here?"

Completely unfazed he said, "I looked at the stumps as if I was taking aim, and then closed my eyes and threw the ball."
"Brilliant," I said. "And could you still see the stumps when you closed your eyes?"
He nodded.

The learning spin-offs from this little exercise are considerable.

All these youngsters will go away with:
* An uncomplicated belief that provided you take aim and trust your eyes then there's every chance of being succesful.
* This spills over into what happens (a) when you try too hard and (b) when you just relax.
* When they encounter it properly, they'll understand that visualisation can be a very powerful tool.

For me its a reminder that hitting targets is something we can do with our eyes closed! And, most of all, that at some point in our development we meet a 'box of conventionality' that rationalises our way of thinking about what is possible, what is the norm - and for some of us this conventionality is the carrier for limiting beliefs.
Clearly for this particular 8 year old there is no 'box' to think outside. He accepts everything as normal, there's a lack of anything called convention, and his ability to experiment, discover and learn continues unabated.

Long live Youth!

"That's a load off my Mind"

I last wrote about the "Cloud Technique" back in April 2010 (see archive) and as to how effective and flexible it is - not just for state change and enhancement, but also for removing elements of unwanted mental (particularly emotional) baggage.

The technique is just one of Kevin Creedon's** hugely useful developments, and I'm indebted to Kevin for it and to Nigel Hetherington** who first brought it to my attention.

I've used it many times now, and the most recent for a client who had been struggling for a couple of years to find closure after leaving a previous job.
This lack of resolution was starting to impact into other areas of her life, affecting her objectivity and ability to focus on a variety of things and, most importantly, chipping away at her self-esteem. "Everyone else affected has dealt with their issues around this change of job for me, but I have a lot of anger, frustration, and resentment going on still and just can't shift it." Her physiology, as she told me about it, tensed up - especially around her neck and shoulders - and her voice took on a terse quality to back this up.

She'd actually come to see me about something else - however this seemed a good opportunity to tackle this issue as it was clearly the more dominant!

PW - "So is there a colour you associate with this anger, resentment, this frustration?"
CL - (after a pause) "No - but I'll tell you what its like. Its like a big, heavy weight." It was good of her to give out this metaphor so early!
PW - "Its like a big, heavy weight - and is there anything else about that heavy weight?"
Cl - "It sort of encloses me, but its not in front of me." I already knew where it was from her earlier body language, so I pointed towards her neck and shoulders:
PW - "Kind of, around here enclosing you - but not out here in front..."
CL - "Yes that's it. Big, heavy, weighing me down..."
PW - "And what would you like to have happen really?"
CL - "For it not to be there - to be behind me."
PW - "What happens to it when its behind you?"
CL - "It just dissolves and disappears..."
PW - "It just dissolves - almost like 'out of sight out of mind'..."

Next I got her to stand up, ensuring that the feeling was still there on her neck and shoulders. She was fully associated into the whole scenario now. I invited her to see what it was like when I helped her lift the big, heavy weight off her neck and shoulders with my help.
CL - "That's nice, that's much better - but its not fair on you. Now you've got it."
PW - "Not a problem for me," I said, "because I'm going to get rid of it by throwing it out of the window. So now - as I hold it, as I take the weight, I want you to step forward and away from it."
This she did, and after another step I got her to turn around and face me (holding her imaginary weight) and the window. I asked her if there was any weight left still on her neck and shoulders. There was none. I then 'threw' the weight out of the window - knowing of course that for her it was going to dissolve, evaporate, disappear.
PW - "Is there any of the weight left behind in the chair you'd been sat in, or anywhere else in the room?"
CL - "No its all gone!"
PW - "Absolutely sure?"
CL - "Yes - I would see it if there was because it was dark grey."
So there WAS a colour associated with it after all!
She was visibly surprised and somewhat bemused that she could feel so different. I got her to sit down in the chair I'd occupied and asked her about how she felt now about her closure issues. She reported nothing at all - a totally neutral response.

We conversed a little further, and she became almost tingling with excitement that the weight had gone, the emotions surrounding closure were neutral, and that it had been quite so simple, saying, "Heavens! Quite literally that's a load off my mind!"

** - You can find Nigel Hetherington's website at http://communicatingexcellence.com/, and about Kevin Creedon here http://www.nlpco.com/nlp-training/nlp-training-team/kevin-creedon/#axzz4P7udHVzL

Additional thanks go to Judy Rees, for helping my understanding with framing the questions and eliciting and working with the client's metaphors. Her website is here http://judyrees.co.uk/judy-rees/

Perfectionists - Do NOT read this!

In the wide range of perfectionist habits from people who have fallen off the "Good-for-Me Foods and Drinks Wagon", to the sportspersons who beat themselves up, even in practice, the reasons are inevitably the same - they are trying to match what they're doing to a model of perfection - and coming up short.
This model of perfection allows no faults, no deviations from the 'right' pathway - these are the all-or-nothing people, the 100%ers. And they judge, and they try, and they fail, and they try harder, and fail even more because they are trying harder!

There's a great quote by Bruce Lee:
"The less tension and effort, the more faster and powerful you will be"....and it starts with a deep calm breath, and a sense of being grounded.

The biggest cause of failures in dietary control is because the participants are not tolerant of their personal shortcomings. The biggest barrier to advances in sporting or performance expertise is that same intolerance, plus the 'try harder' syndrome. They, each of them, fail to acknowledge themselves as they are Right Now.

There's a well worn mantra "If you keep doing what you're doing, then you'll keep getting what you've got" - and this works well with those who are not bound in to the strategies of the 100%ers. But the bindings that hold those perfectionists to their excuses, their judgements, have been building over many years. They've learnt, over that span of time, to be as comfortable as possible with those bindings so they can get by, so that life goes on as best it can. "Its part of me - its who I am" is what they say about themselves, and what others say about them too.

It doesn't have to be this way - but the bindings are there to hold these attitudes in place - and the exit strategy is to release the bindings.

I feel that when people release THEIR OWN bindings then permanent change is made possible. This way they possess their own "change of mind" - instead of it being something imposed upon them from the outside. There are a number of ways of showing them their bindings, and part of what I do with them is to discover the nature of their bindings and what might be the most appropriate pathway for release.

These always start with questions, questions that eventually lead to questions and notions they can ask and explore for themselves. There's a really good set that I find opens things up, particularly for those 'stuck' on a plateau of progression...

"With whatever you're good at, how did you get to be as good as you are already? There was some point - back in your past - when you weren't as good as you are now. So in order for you to have become as good as you are, you must have allowed yourself to become better than you were."

Try this on the perfectionists you know (even the closet ones) and see what happens. Notice how they frame their answers - notice how their state shifts. See if any of that ice melts and becomes not ice!

Eradicating food compulsions - more encounters with "The White Plate"!

In April 2010 I blogged about the recurrence of the white plate as the featured receptacle when mapping across 'Liked' foods/drinks and 'Disliked' foods/drinks. (See blog archive).

On all occasions since, when clients have actually wanted to eradicate some particular excess or craving, then the foul and obnoxious has always been represented by them as being on a white plate.

This latest encounter was with, initially, cans of Cola vs Black Pudding.

I first got her to map (or locate) where the spatial representations were of her sensual perception of both a can of cola (the liked) and then some black pudding (the disliked).
There wasn't a huge directional difference between the liked/disliked locations - however the distance away from the client was substantial and, as it turned out, very usable. I had to be quite creative (and manipulative) with this because the drink was inside a metal container! However, as the white plate adorned with black pudding was "brought" from its distant location right up to where her can was represented, for the purposes of her imagined experience, I broke some of the black pudding into small enough pieces to drop into the can once that had been opened. We duly tested and she visibly recoiled from any indulgence in partaking of the can of Cola.

Now she had a situation where she would be unsure about every future can she would open - so the reality sequence would be < open can - pause - check if drink contains particles of black pudding - but how to do this? - smell to check or pour into a glass? - or (great alternative) just don't bother >.
In all these interrupts of her former habitual 'addiction' is the conscious opportunity to take a 'better drink' option.
So - what if she DID pour the can into a glass? "Its not the same in a glass, not as fizzy," she said. It would appear that for her the 'quality of fizziness' was key and so cola in a glass or, even worse, flat, is quite unattractive.

After this routine she said, "Well - so what about all the sweets and stuff that is not good for me as well...can we do something about them?" She was clearly up for taking advantage of this 'opportunity for change'.

With time not being on our side as far as her appointment was concerned, I took a bit of a punt on her mapped position of sweets being in the same location as her cans of cola. We brought the white plate, black pudding, can and all, and put it back in the requisite location for her - and I invited her to enlarge the plate into a kind of platter. One that was big enough to take those things already there PLUS any sweets, cakes etc that she had an unhealthy compulsion to consume. I reminded her about all the unsavoury delights of the black pudding, as it sat there, in her vivid imagination, rubbing shoulders with cakes and sweets.
After a bit of contemplation she said, "Can you please move this platter away?" With this done we concluded her appointment shortly after running through some future pacing and encountering her erstwhile compulsive favourites.

Time will tell whether the hurried second part of the process has any effect, though I have to say that her state and particular physiological reactions bear out my gut feeling that it has. I await to receive her feedback in due course!

And this left me thinking, yet again, about the white plate! White crockery is very popular, so why does this popularity extend to using it quite in this representative (or metaphorical) way. I've asked everyone - including myself - what is it about the white plate? Some say it just sets the disliked thing off really well; some say the pure of the white is the best contrast for the disliked thing; some, like me, just don't know.