Strangers On A Train

Being Reserved

“You have reserved window seat 21 in carriage D,” said my ticket – and as I boarded the train home to Devon on Monday evening there was a hint of anticipation in my step. For when we reserve a seat, ANY seat - whether at a concert or a flight or a train or a match – then we’ve done it for a reason. If I’d not been bothered about where I wanted to sit then I wouldn’t have gone through the online rigmarole of booking it – stands to reason.

There are two reasons why I book a window seat on a train – one, to look out of the window and two, to avoid the cuffing and buffeting by aisle walkers and their luggages.

“Oh dear,” I thought as I approached Seat 21, for it was occupied. The seat next to the occupier was empty, save for a handbag and scarf – presumably hers. She looked up at me as I leaned over to take the reserved ticket from the back of her seat.

“Is this YOUR seat?” I asked.
“No it isn’t,” was her reply. “That’s my seat,” she added, pointing to the adjacent aisle seat.
“I see,” I responded, “But you’re sat in the seat I’ve reserved – here is my ticket.”
“You don’t want me to move, do you?”

Rhetorical Questions

Now, there’s generally a normal response given when people are confronted by passengers who have reserved the seat that they are sat in – whether by mistake or by design.
And it is this:

THEY MOVE!

It is a politeness that I was clearly not being afforded by this particular person.

Now it might be because I am a non-argumentative and socially submissive Englishman, who wouldn’t dream of crossing verbal swords with anyone on a train – let alone a lady – that led to what happened next.

I looked at her long and hard as the echoes of her rhetorical question bounced around the immediate vicinity of the carriage. And as I breathed deeply, fixing her with a very laser-like stare, I then sat down next to her – pulled the tray forward, put down my newspaper and pen and sighed - very long and very loud.

And then I was reminded of one of the lines in the 1971 Grammy Award winning song sung by Ray Stevens:-
“Everyone is beautiful – in their own way … “

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0a45z_HG3WU

and thus it was that I realised that all really was well with me and my world. I tackled the puzzle pages in my copy of The Times with gusto and aplomb, whilst my “fellow passenger” seemed mildly unnerved as she was unable to sit still with any comfort. She was very fidgety!

Tickets please

After quarter of an hour or so, the ticket inspector began working his way down the carriage. My “seat swapping” lady started to look for her ticket with some agitation with rather led me to think that perhaps not all was well in her world.
I showed him my ticket and then observed, with a degree of interested curiosity, as she presented him with her ticket.
“That’s not a ticket,” he said. “That’s a seat reservation.” I held my tongue as she handed him another ticket.
“That’s a seat reservation too,” said the inspector. By now I was choking back a chuckle – and I half entertained the thought that maybe she had lost her ticket, or perhaps had never had one in the first place.
“I’ll come back in a moment when you’ve found it,” said the ticket inspector, moving on down the carriage.

She then got in a right paddy with herself – checking her bag, her pockets, standing up and looking in the seat. I half thought she was going to ask me if I would help by standing, just in case it had fallen into where I was sitting, or on the floor. But the thought soon evaporated!

Oh Dear – Isn’t there so much that can go wrong when you’ve upset the Cosmic Applecart by insisting on sitting in someone else’s reserved seat and not your own?

Then the train stopped in a station, and some time passed and the ticket man hadn’t returned. The lady next to me seemed somewhat calmer now, so maybe she HAD found her ticket after all.

Parallel Lines

One of trademark features of Hitchcock thrillers is the apparent ordinariness of the environments he chooses – for his apparently ordinary characters to meet. Public transport throws together random people in very mundane and insignificant ways – on the face of it!

And here too, for me on this particular evening’s journey, it was all very run of the mill – apart from my unknown companion’s behaviour.

So why have I introduced a reference to some of Alfred Hitchcock’s oeuvre at this point, you may well ask.

It’s about Coincidence, really.

How do we feel about coincidence? Do things really by chance? Is happenstance just THAT?

Or is there much more going on than our imagination can ever imagine? Is truth really stranger than fiction?

I happen to consider that Coincidence is a bed-fellow of that other inexplicably tangible thing called Luck. Like thoughts and trains, they both tend to run along parallel lines.

When they happen to us, we might often wonder whether they were meant to be? And then we go away and delete, distort and generalise anything and everything that will support our beliefs surrounding Coincidence and Luck.

So - were I and my travelling companion this particular evening thrown together at random or were BIGGER forces at play in the direction of this drama?

If she had been sat in her OWN seat then all she would have been required to do was to stand aside and let me occupy my OWN reserved seat by the window.
Equally, if she had done the normally polite thing and vacated my window seat for her own, then what we both experienced would not have unfolded – and I would have not written about any of it.

It might be said that Cosmic Order placed us both in that carriage, at that time.
After that, the drama was played out by each of our behavioural choices.
And, probably because I acquiesced to her insistence to stay where she was, all proceeded without much more ado.

Our behavioural choices are essentially OURS, in spite of some of the compulsions we might feel at the mercy of. As I heard someone say recently,
“I wish I could drive a wedge between my brain and my mouth!” This bears out that illusory nature of our thinking and our self-control. “That way I’d be able to control what I say instead of just blurting out.” Well, all I will say is Good Luck with that!

My final consideration - if Hitchcock's creative skills are to be believed - is the parallel-ness of the characters in his 1951 film and the two of us "randomly" thrown together last Monday evening.
One of Hitchcock's characters was a psychopath! 

More Haste Less Speed

Haste

“Haste is speed without rhythm.
Life with Haste has no rhythm.
Once we find the rhythm of Life then we abandon Haste.
The Rocks of Life are always present.
Yet once we abandon Haste, the road seems less rocky –
Whilst in Haste we encounter the rocks of Life very easily.”

We will have all heard – and perhaps had the adage, the proverb More Haste Less Speed, thrown verbally at us from perhaps quite a young age. I certainly did, and whilst now I align it with a coaching invitation I often make – Pay More Attention To – I used to think that it WAS all about urgency.

Urgency, defined as importance requiring swift action, is one of those daily compulsions in our lives. We encounter it at work, at home, at play, and – crazily - even at rest sometimes.
“Hurry up and have a rest – we’ll be on the move again soon!”

In the animal kingdom, where how we might understand the rhythm of Life can be most easily noticed, there is – at certain times – urgency.

Here we have urgency on the highest possible scale – a matter of life and death! Each animal has one objective and, in the moment, nothing else matters. If we were to trade places with the wildebeest, then we would also have only one objective too. We may be thinking creatures, yet in this context there is no time for the luxury of paying attention to our thoughts.
“Oooh gosh it’s SO hot today out here on the Serengeti! I wish I had remembered to bring my sunhat. I’m really looking forward to having a cocktail by the pool later!”
No! In the right here right now moment called the present, we are single minded and paying 100% attention to ONLY ONE THING. And we are bringing Urgency to our Actions.

Metaphor

Take a look at the metaphorical aspects of the above picture and see the lion as the boss and the wildebeest as the employee required to carry out the important task with the utmost urgency.
OK, the boss isn’t going to devour the employee – even though he might make a meal of it if the task doesn’t get done in time. Still, there may be longer term consequences for the employee, and perhaps the boss and his business, if the task doesn’t get done in time.
Consequences such as survival, of his job, the firm, everyone’s jobs ... etc.

One of the aspects of the urgencies in our lives is the fact that we can allow our thoughts to both build up and play out the drama. “If I don’t do THIS – then THAT might/could/will happen.” Our thinking takes us out of the present moment and into the imaginative projections of countless possibilities. We do this, over and over again – because we are ONLY human, AND we have the tendency to believe our thinking far too much.

So where does this impinge upon More Haste Less Speed, you may ask!

The Rhythm of Life

The rhythm of Life is always present. It can be a bumpy ride, or a smooth journey – or anywhere in between. We may sometimes consider our lives to be at a standstill, or on hold, yet this is an illusion. Things are always on the move – even though we may be grazing, rather like the wildebeest. Nothing ever stands still, for that is because of the energy in the Universe.

Life, all life, flows with a rhythm and is propelled by that energy.

If our perception is that things are proceeding well for us, that we are in sync with the rhythm of life, then we will feel carried along with the rhythmic flow of the cosmos.
Cosmic Order prevails.

If our perception is that things are not proceeding well for us, that we are out of sync with the rhythm of life, then we will not feel carried along with the rhythmic flow of the cosmos.
Cosmic Chaos prevails. We will feel every bump, every rock, in the road.

When we are IN the rhythm of Life – no matter what the speed may be in every moment – then there is no Haste.  

In Joe Hyams’ book Zen in the Martial Arts, he tells of when he was having tea with Master Bong Soo Han and an important letter arrived.
Knowing the Master had been eagerly anticipating the letter, he expected him to pause the conversation, tear open the envelope and hastily scan the contents. Instead, the Master put aside the letter and continued their conversation.
When they met the following day, Joe Hyams remarked on the Master’s self- control. The Master replied that he had put the letter aside until he had conquered Haste.
“Then, when I set my hand to it,” he continued, “I opened it as though it were something precious.” The point the Master made was that the Patience that leads from conquering Haste, will stand for us in both trivial things as well as great and important things.

Doing anything with Haste points us AWAY from the rhythm of Life. Impatience really is an anti-virtue. We can do things with urgency and ALSO be in sync with the rhythm of Life, for Urgency is all about Speed and nothing about Haste – regardless of what the dictionary definition may be saying.

The proverb, therefore, is reminding us – in Cosmic terms - that our verbal language can often play tricks on our understanding of what IS.

Impatience

In his book The Practicing Mind, Thomas M Sterner talks about experiencing Impatience.

“Experiencing impatience is one of the first symptoms of not being in the present moment, not doing what you are doing, and not staying process-oriented. Staying in the present moment is one of the hardest lessons to learn. We are always dropping out of the NOW, and letting our minds lead us around by the nose to who knows where.”

Sterner also writes about how to stay process-oriented with all the things that you do – whether at work, at home, at play and at rest.
He calls this “The Four ‘S’ words” which are – Simplify, Small, Short and Slow. As a way of working and practice, bring these four approaches into everything you do and they will serve you well, often in ways that seem to defy logic!

In terms of More Haste Less Speed, the ‘S’ word SLOW is the most defiant, let's say, and really comes to the fore. It does require some practice and conditioning however! As Sterner says,
“ … with SLOW allow yourself to work at a pace that allows you to pay attention to what you are doing.” 

Slow will vary from task to task of course yet here, too, is an example of how we “manage our attention.” No more – no less.

When we are in total absorbed 100% attention, then we are experiencing all the NOW moments in total flow with the rhythm of Life. Compared to me, and certainly their parents, ALL of my grandchildren have the ability to be in total flow – and the youngest is pretty much there all of the time. At seven months old, he DOES what he DOES and he IS where he IS – there is no errant thinking going on, getting in the way of his Life.

There is a simplicity to how life unfolds for him and – to be fair – that same simplicity will accompany him every day of his life, until his THINKING starts to get in there and complicate matters.

Yet, all the while, for either the grandchildren OR myself - the ability to be 100% absorbed and in total flow is always there. It is INNATE!

More Haste Less Speed

So, in conclusion, I invite you to notice how different Life can FEEL once you start to gain the ability to conquer Haste. For Haste is what starts to happen to our every experience when we are not 100% attending to each and every NOW moment – purely because we are distracted by the multi-layered illusion of our thinking.

Recommended reads:

Zen in the Martial Arts          -           Joe Hyams

The Practicing Mind              -           Thomas M Sterner

Ability and Capability

Toying with Linguistics 

All languages are full of their own little linguistic “tricks” and ambiguities. English is no exception.

We ALL have abilities. They are innate, in our nature, and we are born with them – albeit in a very raw state. We then grow our abilities – starting with how we move and manipulate our bodies, and how we communicate.

Then – at some point in our youth – we begin to CAP most of our abilities. We CAP, or limit our abilities through believing we are just plain ordinary.

Some people break out of that illusion and AMAZE us. We MARVEL at their abilities, their dedication, and their sacrifices.

But WE could never be like that – because even though we were born uniquely extraordinary and believed in that truth for a while, the “Grown Up” World (and how it works) conspired to repeatedly tell us all about the things that we CAN’T do, not what we CAN.

Sadly, most of us, before we have even reached the age of 10, have already garnered enough CAPS, enough limitations on our abilities, to last us for the rest of our lives. Equally sadly, most of us hold onto the beliefs about what we are and are not capable of – and live out our lives accordingly.

However there is another world, of infinite possibilities, away from the critical and disparaging glass-ceilinged world we have come to believe.

Maverick Coach World

The World of the Maverick Coach says, “HOLD ON!”

“There is cap, NO ceiling on your possibilities and abilities. In Maverick Coach world there is only the matter of HOW and WHEN.”

And that Maverick Coach worldview goes on,
“I believe in you, but you have to believe in yourself. I can point you there, but you have to have the curiosity and passion to get there.”

Inside us all, at a rather deep level, is our own maverick "Inner Coach". When we were very young this innate characteristic drove our sense of awe, our sense of wonder and our sense of curiosity. Every day was an adventure and we set out to discover. However, some of our discovery involved encounters with the "couldn't", "don't", "wouldn't", "can't", "shouldn't", "won't" and "doesn't" nature of reality. 

And it was within these encounters that we lost some of our innate curiosity - and we lost touch with our Inner Coach. 

Yet here's the thing ... 

We haven't really lost anything. Our Inner Coach is still there. It's just that we've lost touch.

When our battery is flat or we've got no signal it doesn't mean that IS IT, gone forever, set in stone, yadayada ... 

It just means recharge your device - go where the reception is better - change your provider!

And if your provider, your current world view, is Capping your Abilities, then take some self-directed action! It IS, entirely, up to you!

Retreats & Walks

NEXT RETREAT WEEKEND will be from 10am, Saturday 18th - 3pm, Sunday 19th November.


Amidst the hurly-burly of life, we can often become detached whether from our inner selves, from a clear perspective, or from our sense of wellbeing. In these times, we can feel overwhelmed by circumstances or our environment, and what we need is to slow down our thinking, bring more clear light in our lives, get out of our heads and back in touch with nature in a complete change of surroundings.

My walking retreats can give you an excellent opportunity for some guided “me” time. Along the coastline where I live in North Devon there are some of the finest walks in the country – and these provide an excellent backdrop for some mental and physical renewal.

Usually incorporating stretches of the South West Coast Path, the walks, whether via some steep and hilly challenges or along stretches of beautiful sandy beaches – are always with the sounds of the seas and breaking waves close by, and the invigorating clear, clean air coming straight off the Atlantic Ocean. You can walk and talk, or mindfully reflect, whilst communicating with the awesome power of nature.

Like me, many people have experienced amazing shifts in their perspectives and, for some, it can be life-changing, as the mind settles down and we begin to notice our own wisdom and insights once more. The stage is set for us to get clear on those answers to important questions, problems, issues in our lives that have eluded us - back in the daily pressure-cooker of our “real” world.

Normally set over a weekend, the retreats involve either a one or two-night stay in accommodation of your own choice – with guided walks taking place on Saturdays and Sundays.

During our time spent together there is ample opportunity to talk over areas where you might be looking for more clarity and understanding, and at our meet-ups at the start of each day, I will talk about how our relationship with our thinking can frame every decision and every action we choose to take in our lives. 

This helps prepare the ground, sets up the blank canvas, for our collective walking experience and how we can, through directing our focus and attention, all use that experience to our advantage.

Each day, en route, we break for lunch, and on Saturday evening we all have dinner together at a suitably appropriate establishment near the “finishing line” of whichever route we have taken that day.

Perhaps you are feeling that such a complete change of environment and activity is the kind of thing that could bring about some transformation in your life, or maybe you are just looking for a short disengagement from the daily stresses and pressures and to get away from it all – either way, it would be great to be your guide and enable you to bring that to fruition!


Please do get in touch if you are interested in coming to any of the retreats. Also – if these dates are not convenient yet you would like to make a special visit to my part of the world at any other time, for one of my other one-to-one programmes then please do enquire!

Walking retreat on the South Pest Coast path No.2 - EVENTBRITE details

For all details of the Retreat dates for the current season then check out the EVENTS page at my website …  TheWrightWayLtd