I met a very intelligent, intense and vibrant lady who is MD of her own successful company. She wanted to raise her energy levels through a better understanding of exercise and fitness and have more positive feelings about her appearance and lose some weight. She also felt at something of a “crossroads” in her life. On the face of it, these are all observations, feeling, desires and goals for quite a considerable number of people.
With further conversation we talked around some of her perceived barriers to achieving these desires and goals, one of which was that she felt that she tended to live “in her head”. Outwardly this seemed to me to be a total contradiction, so I asked her to elaborate, if she had a mind to. She said she wanted to ration her emotions because the intensities of some (particularly those inter-personally related) were causing problems with her self control, and this was getting in the way of a better life.
This was actually the real barrier – not the 2 or 3 she’d actually first mentioned! She needed “me” time and this was being eroded on a daily basis by “going the long way round” all inter-personal matters in the workplace. She felt X but was unable to express how she felt about X, and so took route Y to “keep things smooth”. This was suppressing her emotions, rather than rationing them – and the suppressions were not doing her any good.
PW:- When you think of working relationships and scenarios, how would you really like to be?
CL:- I’d like to be calmer, more inspired, listen better and be an enabler.
PW:- And what kind of an enabler is that enabler?
CL:- Someone who gives people time to express themselves and brings the best out of people.
PW:- And when bringing the best out of people, where is more inspired?
CL:- They are one and the same really.
PW:- And thinking about someone listening better, what has to happen to make listening better?
CL:- They have to be quiet.
PW:- And when quiet, what kind of quiet is that quiet?
CL:- It’s calm and attentive and listening.
PW:- And when calm, attentive, listening and quiet…is there a relationship with inspired and enabler?
CL:- Yes, it’s what I want to be. It’s what I need to be, for me, and for everything to work better.
PW:- And thinking of calm, attentive, listening, quiet and inspired….what’s that like?
She did give a ‘looped’ answer here first, and then I invited her to close her eyes and notice what she noticed – and then asked her exactly the same question.
CL:- Ah yes, I understand. I see what you mean….actually I do see a picture of the sea – a vast and vivid picture of the sea.
PW:- And what kind of sea is that sea?
CL:- Well at the moment its placid and calm and in control, and I know it can get rougher when the weather is different. It’s very inspiring and powerful.
PW:- And when you think of an enabler, where is sea then?
CL:- (chuckles) Well the sea is an enabler in lots of ways isn’t it? Shipping, transport, food, moisture, supporting weather systems, supporting life…..
PW:- And when sea is rougher what happens to calm and inspired?
CL:- Well it’s still inspiring and awesome and everything. And it’s only rough on the surface; it’s so deep and strong and powerful and away from the surface it’s still calm and in control.
PW:- And as you think now about living in your head and rationing your emotions – what needs to happen?
CL:- (chuckles again and pauses) I need to be like the Sea.
I drew our session towards a close, and she was animatedly excited and enthused by the prospect of using the metaphorical imagery of her Sea and all the qualities she had bestowed upon it. Here was her “master key” that would help her to become an inspiring enabler, who was calmer and a better listener. In less than 20 minutes with the help of Clean Language she felt confident that she knew which signpost at the crossroads she now needed to follow.
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