Resisting the Blame Culture

One of the many enduring images from my schooldays was in the school's own "mock" General Election. During assemblies, in the run up to polling day, each of the 3 main party candidates (all fellow 6th formers of mine) got to make their "pitch" to the pupil electorate in "hustings" style, which was good fun! One morning the Liberal party candidate was in full flow when, from the body of the hall, someone threw a paper aeroplane at him. There were muted sniggers as it flew through the air, hovered a couple of yards from his face and then stalled and fell to the ground. "There - look!" he said. "Another failed Tory air defence project!" It brought the house down.

I first discovered at that GE what a blame culture we live in - how everything that is wrong with the country is all "their" fault and that is the overriding reason for voting "us" in. In politics it lives to this day and, due to the nature of our political beast, will probably go on ad infinitum.

The blame culture pervades our entire lives, however - both for external factors and (in a more pernicious way) for internal factors.

"This happened because of xxxx"
"I'm behaving this way because xxxx made me"
"Something (xxxx) made me do it"
Sound familiar?

I reminded the team I coach last evening that the responsibility for everything they do as individuals and in the name of the team is theirs and theirs alone. If they blame the referee, or if the opposition cheated, there has to be no culture of whingeing - THEY are responsible. If anyone misses a tackle or drops the ball - it is the TEAM's error. Just the same way if they all enjoy the pleasure of victory then it is a TEAM victory. And that applies to little victories through the game as well as the end result.
And if that's been down to hard work or brilliance by one or two individuals, then the rest should show their appreciation openly.

Collectively and individually we do not give enough credit where credit is due, show enough appreciation, give thanks for positive things that we take for granted.

The media have a lot to answer for - the spicy and interesting 'News' is bad news. Who wants to see endless reports of good stuff? It's boring - doesn't sell papers - doesn't make 'good copy'.

As coaches, therapists, changeworkers, mentors, we face this in every client and we face it in ourselves. I replied today to an online comment that read "If we keep waiting for perfection then we will never complete any task". My response was "I spent 50 years under the shadow of that kind of personal strategy - now I spend all my time trying to liberate others from following the same path."

Just acknowledging ourselves where we are right now is a REALLY great place to start. It puts behind us all the stuff we've brought with us to this place. It ignores ANY blame culture that is part of that stuff - and it allows unfettered forward movement. And that's real freedom.

And when we hear all the negatives, and the comments of a blame culture, we just need to acknowledge them as well - and hand them back to whoever or wherever they came from, labelled "Not wanted", "Not necessary for me to keep", "Of no use", "Toxic thought waste", plus a miriad of others.

Now, you can choose to accept what I say - or reject it. I would just ask you to listen to your thinking, and if you say "BUT" at any point then you need to sit on that thought.

And then let go.