A Cartesian Twist

The ‘Questions’

In my coaching and changework I often make reference to The Four Cartesian Questions when getting people to examine their decision making strategy, especially when clients might find themselves motionless, ‘stuck’, in a quandary or between a rock and a hard place. 

They are:

What WILL happen if I DO X?
What WON’T happen if I DO X?
What WILL happen if I DON'T do X?
What WON’T happen if I DON'T do X?

There is a cold and unemotional mathematical logic in the operational landscape of the Questions that is very enabling for us as we search, garner and present our perceptions surrounding each of the four Questions. The effect of that cold logic is rather like a bucket of icy water being thrown over us when we are emotionally agitated and bothered by a head – and body - full of overheated and scatty thinking. It can rapidly cleanse us from all the “yea buts” and “what ifs” that hold that revved-up and overheated state of mind in place. Once revived from our icy drenching we can see things with much more clarity!

Another interesting spin-off engendered by the process is that of perceptual positions.

The most probable ‘geographical’ position we have adopted prior to considering the four Questions is at the centre of the issue, the decision, call it what you will. This is Point A.

Now, when we ask “What WILL happen if I DO this?” we’ll still be at Point A considering the possibilities from this perspective. The moment we move on to the next quadrant – whether we go to “What WILL happen if I DON’T do this?” or whether we go to “What WON’T happen if I DO this?” – there is a shift in our perceptual position AWAY from Point A. The shift may be to somewhere within the quadrant – or it may be in another plane or dimension, such as to a point directly over and above Point A.

Wherever we shift to, however, we detach or dissociate from our original position at Point A.

Once we’ve shifted from Point A, taking up different perceptual positions thereafter becomes SO much more straightforward, because we are out of our previous ‘stuck’ state and into a variety of others. Suddenly, we are no longer thinking “Yea buts” – we are now dispassionately considering just “What Ifs”. And, when use our imagination from this unemotional perspective then it is not only hypnotic, but also insights tend to emerge out of the mists!

If you want to take this to an even more powerful stage, use some REAL geographical space – say an open area of a room – and map out the co-ordinates using post-it notes and place some object (representing the issue) at Point A. Then you can walk to each quadrant in turn and look towards Point A, and associate with it from this perspective. Ask and NOTICE what your body tells you about Point A from these perspectives.

By doing this you’ll be surprised and astonished at what insights come up and engender new thinking around whatever is going on at Point A.

The Twist

Now the ‘twist’ I’d like to explore at this juncture is one that a good friend and colleague mentioned, which is this:
In  the context of personal relationships sometimes we ignore those who want us, and want those who ignore us – which leads us to a point where we love those who hurt us and hurt those who love us.

Now I’m sure, at some point in our lives, we can all bring to mind instances when this was happening for us. And I’ve certainly talked to a number of clients quite recently where this particularly poignant and emotional Point A has taken a grip over their lives.

Now as I see it, there is a distinct parallel between the Ignore-Want-Love-Hurt quartet and the Cartesian Will-Won’t-Do-Don’t quartet. As the “Four Questions” can shift our perspectives and perceptions so very well, and perform the change process on a number of levels – I’m curious as to whether there might be a “Cartesian” approach to resolving some change in the area of those things close to our heart.

Think of a plan rather like the four quadrants illustration above. Now imagine placing an overlay of the Ignore-Want-Love-Hurt quadrants on top of the original. Take a view of each of the four “new” aspects and notice what emerges for you – remembering that, although there are a number of personalities involved, the key one for you IS you.

Here’s some of what I found when I ran the exercise:-

First I noticed some sub-categories stood out from our two sets of four:

Actions and Behaviours:            Do + Don’t do; Ignore + Want
Projections and Feelings:           Will + Won’t; Hurt + Love

And straightaway there came some conclusions:-

Ignoring those who Want and Love us WILL lead to their Hurt.
Being Ignored by those who we Want and Love WILL lead to our Hurt.
Wanting those who Ignore us WON’T lead us to their Love.
Being Wanted by those we Ignore WON’T lead them to our Love.
To ignore is just a behaviour that may usually engender a response.
Often, by Ignoring anyone, someone will always get Hurt.

Then some deeper ones:-

Want is descriptive of feeling something lacking, in us or for us, and is a gap that we need to fill. On an inner level, Want is synonymous with Need.
Want is a personal desire to possess or own, and can engender particular changes in behaviour of all parties within a relationship.
Any pathway between Want and Love is tenuous at best, whilst the pathway between Want and Hurt is much more well- trodden.
Love, Hurt and Want are the personal property of the beholder.

And finally:-

Want may be about possession – yet what or who is it that is being possessed?
If I want something SO badly, if my Desire to possess it is SO great – then my Want, my Need, my Desire possesses me. I AM THE ONE WHO IS POSSESSED.
Desire OWNS me – and will continue to own me for as long as I maintain my Wanting of X.

Conclusion

For me, there is a very clear Need here - the Need to resolve my relationship with Desire. This has nothing to do with the object of my desire – just Desire per se and Me

If I am pushing so hard in the direction of Wanting something or someone then I am no longer free. I am owned by my Pushing! In wanting to own X I have handed ownership of myself over to Y.

And Y, like that, can be any manifestation or any metaphor we may care to choose.
In the case of Faust, Y was The Devil; in the case of any addiction it is the hit, the buzz; in the case of the mountaineer it is not the mountain, it is because it is there. There are countless others ...

What WILL happen if I let go of Desire?
What WON’T happen if I let go of Desire?
What WILL happen if I don’t let go of Desire?
What WON’T happen if I don’t let go of Desire?

Once we resolve our own relationship with Desire, then our entire perspective of Love changes, oddly enough. The real meaning comes through, clear as a bell or a mountain stream. This is because it is not only just about what won’t happen if we let go of Desire though isn’t it really about everything else being transformed also? Including us!