On Thursday I had a second meeting with a client who, I'm discovering, is probably one of the most insightful and amazing people I've met to date.
He is seeing me, ostensibly, to talk around topical areas of exercise, health, food, motivation and such. By mostly listening, and occasional questions however, I find our conversation chunking around (mainly up!) into areas that seem quite remote from our "base camp" - and yet are not, because they are enjoined and engaged with connecting threads of purpose and meaning.
Strangely, talking to him and listening to him reminded me of the character Socrates, featured in Dan Millman's books and film Peaceful Warrior - The Movie. If you aren't familiar, here is a short interview with Dan Millman talking about the character:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4lN5VR8kqU>
Dan also quotes the phrase "When the student is ready, the Teacher will appear" - and this is certainly true with regards to my client, who I am now viewing as a timely mentor for me in the journey I am on.
His comments and insights are really thought provoking and for me, I find myself saying "For what purpose?"
The answer is clearly for my discovery and education - and I am just thankful I have the presence of mind (and working style) to listen and take in all that he says, because were I not to then I would miss a lot of the deeper meanings.
There were two particularly amazing things that came out of our conversation:-
1. We both share a passion for and draw inspiration from the Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu. In his case however, when he was in business he gave a copy to each of his employees. Very interesting!
2. He also ran his business on these philosophical pillars - rather than imbuing the business and every employee with the profit motive, there were two things that stood firm - one was that for every employee this had to be the best job they'd ever had in their life to date, and the other was that for every customer this had to be the best firm they'd ever dealt with to date.
By following this philosophy he felt his work and his business would have true purpose. Not surprisingly, he also reported that the business was hugely profitable - and for all the right reasons namely the people who it served.
We can learn so much from our clients - not just about them, but also from them for ourselves. And the key has to be LISTENING, purposeful listening.
The Wright Way
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Friday, April 2, 2010
Revealing Metaphors!
Clean Language questions are great for eventually eliciting a person’s unconscious metaphors, those that are driving, or that are linked to, certain behaviours. Often people have no conscious idea what these metaphors might be, and find that once they are known, immediate and profound changes can often occur.
I was working with a partner at a recent course, and we each had to take both client and practitioner roles for a lengthy period of time, covering a particular issue we would like to have resolved.
I had been experiencing a degree of “writer’s block” in terms of progressing the work on my next book – and so I chose this as my ‘client issue for exploration and resolution’. At no point prior to the day had I even considered what was causing the block, or how I might get round it – I have plenty of other things to deal with on a daily basis, and I took the rather patient line that further inspiration would arrive when it was ready to arrive!
My interview (as client) duly progressed and my practitioner asked me about the background to the issue, about the first book and other recent working life history, in order to build up a picture, for her, of the real “me” as the client. It was a great question session, and it was when she began asking me about the structure and submodalities of how the first book had come to be written that things began to really unfold...
I’d written the book rather backwards way on - with the title (Don’t Think of a Black Cat) firmly in my mind before I’d started, followed by the subject matter of the preface (the map is not the territory), and finally with theme (the NLP plumber) and structure of the main body of the work. Once armed with the subject matter of the preface I then researched and wrote it, so that it was a stand-alone article in its own right. I then gathered information and made copious notes for the main body – and then wrote it. The conclusion and final tidy up came right at the end of the process.
My practitioner partner asked me what I felt, saw, was the most challenging part of the process for the next book. My reply was that it was the gathering and garnering of all the information. I was happy that I needed to write the preface in the way I had done the first time – ie choose the subject and then write an article around it. However, the ‘leg-work’ of processing loads of notes and other information was clearly something that was causing the block in my mind. With her guidance I was able to see that when writing the first book I had no notion of this part of the process before starting out, and therefore it was neither a help nor a hindrance to me.
The next step was the most revealing, however, and I was particularly delighted because I knew that she had no prior knowledge of Clean Language, and yet she had inadvertently used it! We were talking about this garnering of information leg-work in particular with regard to the first book and she phrased the question beautifully thus:-
“And garnering...that’s like what?”
With eyes closed I received a wonderfully clear, colourful and dynamic film of a trawler in a heaving sea and the fishermen landing a huge catch – bulging nets full of wriggling, dancing fish, being hoisted on board.
Here was my metaphor, revealed with stunning clarity.
I could hardly contain myself – and immediately saw the way I was going to be able to proceed with the next book. Get trawling – land the catch – process it, freeze it, and get back to port – tidy it up, package it – then sell it.
I told my partner what had just happened as she was a little bemused as to the nature of this not-so-much-a-lightbulb-more-a-spotlight moment. I explained to her about Clean Language, what it was and how it worked, and applauded her perceptive questioning skills. Hopefully she will be curious enough to pursue the topic more over the ensuing weeks and months as, even at a peripheral level, it has ways of breaking down or bypassing barriers that, on the surface, are tough nuts to crack.
FInd out more on Clean Language here:-
http://www.cleanchange.co.uk/cleanlanguage/
http://www.xraylistening.com/business/
I was working with a partner at a recent course, and we each had to take both client and practitioner roles for a lengthy period of time, covering a particular issue we would like to have resolved.
I had been experiencing a degree of “writer’s block” in terms of progressing the work on my next book – and so I chose this as my ‘client issue for exploration and resolution’. At no point prior to the day had I even considered what was causing the block, or how I might get round it – I have plenty of other things to deal with on a daily basis, and I took the rather patient line that further inspiration would arrive when it was ready to arrive!
My interview (as client) duly progressed and my practitioner asked me about the background to the issue, about the first book and other recent working life history, in order to build up a picture, for her, of the real “me” as the client. It was a great question session, and it was when she began asking me about the structure and submodalities of how the first book had come to be written that things began to really unfold...
I’d written the book rather backwards way on - with the title (Don’t Think of a Black Cat) firmly in my mind before I’d started, followed by the subject matter of the preface (the map is not the territory), and finally with theme (the NLP plumber) and structure of the main body of the work. Once armed with the subject matter of the preface I then researched and wrote it, so that it was a stand-alone article in its own right. I then gathered information and made copious notes for the main body – and then wrote it. The conclusion and final tidy up came right at the end of the process.
My practitioner partner asked me what I felt, saw, was the most challenging part of the process for the next book. My reply was that it was the gathering and garnering of all the information. I was happy that I needed to write the preface in the way I had done the first time – ie choose the subject and then write an article around it. However, the ‘leg-work’ of processing loads of notes and other information was clearly something that was causing the block in my mind. With her guidance I was able to see that when writing the first book I had no notion of this part of the process before starting out, and therefore it was neither a help nor a hindrance to me.
The next step was the most revealing, however, and I was particularly delighted because I knew that she had no prior knowledge of Clean Language, and yet she had inadvertently used it! We were talking about this garnering of information leg-work in particular with regard to the first book and she phrased the question beautifully thus:-
“And garnering...that’s like what?”
With eyes closed I received a wonderfully clear, colourful and dynamic film of a trawler in a heaving sea and the fishermen landing a huge catch – bulging nets full of wriggling, dancing fish, being hoisted on board.
Here was my metaphor, revealed with stunning clarity.
I could hardly contain myself – and immediately saw the way I was going to be able to proceed with the next book. Get trawling – land the catch – process it, freeze it, and get back to port – tidy it up, package it – then sell it.
I told my partner what had just happened as she was a little bemused as to the nature of this not-so-much-a-lightbulb-more-a-spotlight moment. I explained to her about Clean Language, what it was and how it worked, and applauded her perceptive questioning skills. Hopefully she will be curious enough to pursue the topic more over the ensuing weeks and months as, even at a peripheral level, it has ways of breaking down or bypassing barriers that, on the surface, are tough nuts to crack.
FInd out more on Clean Language here:-
http://www.cleanchange.co.uk/cleanlanguage/
http://www.xraylistening.com/business/
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Discovering and using my 'Shadow'
The Shadow
Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is
embodied in the individual’s conscious life,
the blacker and denser it is.
At all counts, it forms an unconscious snag,
thwarting our most well-meant intentions.
— Dr. Carl G. Jung
One of the features and exercises during my attendance recently at The Art of Enlightened Success with Jamie Smart, was to understand, discuss and illuminate our various own ‘shadows’.
The exercise (among other elements) was to each choose 3 anti-heroes, persons (living or dead – although I chose living) who we considered to be most despicable. We then chose the most repugnant of the three and decided upon their 3 worst attributes, the ones that, as we considered, made them what they are (or were).
Next, we were to take the worst attribute and to assume – as best we could - the persona of this attribute by saying it out loud. For this exercise we paired with a partner, whose sole job was to observe as we said “I am ....this attribute” 3 or 4 times, pausing in between.
Through this exercise we all had a number of sensual and observed revelations. Apart from the outward physiological changes, mine was a very illuminating ‘flash image’ from the unconscious! I had to say “I am inhuman” four times – and on first utterance I had images of the person concerned plus others from history and inhuman acts. On the second I had the momentary flash of myself, associated, behind the wheel of a car!
“Ooops!”
So somewhere within I judged myself as periodically inhuman when driving – and, to be true, I have to admit to occasional lapses into ranting at other drivers, usually when they drive ‘in my boot’ or do something crass. Clearly my unconscious saw this as far worse – so I took this as a learning experience and that here was an opportunity to deal with my shadow.
I knew very well that there would be an opportunity to test things out on the way home later, and thus it was, after a couple of miles I was approaching a roundabout near the A3 when someone drove straight out in front of me instead of giving way. Curiously, I mouthed the customary swear word or phrase though this time without any emotion – and then laughed in both amusement and amazement!
Since then I have been emotion free when driving – in spite of idiots – and am now even progressing to remaining swear-free towards other road users.
Revelations (and corrections) from inside out! I say as always - trust your unconscious...
Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is
embodied in the individual’s conscious life,
the blacker and denser it is.
At all counts, it forms an unconscious snag,
thwarting our most well-meant intentions.
— Dr. Carl G. Jung
One of the features and exercises during my attendance recently at The Art of Enlightened Success with Jamie Smart, was to understand, discuss and illuminate our various own ‘shadows’.
The exercise (among other elements) was to each choose 3 anti-heroes, persons (living or dead – although I chose living) who we considered to be most despicable. We then chose the most repugnant of the three and decided upon their 3 worst attributes, the ones that, as we considered, made them what they are (or were).
Next, we were to take the worst attribute and to assume – as best we could - the persona of this attribute by saying it out loud. For this exercise we paired with a partner, whose sole job was to observe as we said “I am ....this attribute” 3 or 4 times, pausing in between.
Through this exercise we all had a number of sensual and observed revelations. Apart from the outward physiological changes, mine was a very illuminating ‘flash image’ from the unconscious! I had to say “I am inhuman” four times – and on first utterance I had images of the person concerned plus others from history and inhuman acts. On the second I had the momentary flash of myself, associated, behind the wheel of a car!
“Ooops!”
So somewhere within I judged myself as periodically inhuman when driving – and, to be true, I have to admit to occasional lapses into ranting at other drivers, usually when they drive ‘in my boot’ or do something crass. Clearly my unconscious saw this as far worse – so I took this as a learning experience and that here was an opportunity to deal with my shadow.
I knew very well that there would be an opportunity to test things out on the way home later, and thus it was, after a couple of miles I was approaching a roundabout near the A3 when someone drove straight out in front of me instead of giving way. Curiously, I mouthed the customary swear word or phrase though this time without any emotion – and then laughed in both amusement and amazement!
Since then I have been emotion free when driving – in spite of idiots – and am now even progressing to remaining swear-free towards other road users.
Revelations (and corrections) from inside out! I say as always - trust your unconscious...
Cloud Technique - even partially!
Since discovering (thanks to Nigel Hetherington) the practical uses of the Cloud Technique, which was initiated by Kevin Creedon, I have used it fully and also partially for a number of clients – each time causing an immediate and positive outcome.
On our recent course integration day, I was taking the role of practitioner for my client partner. She had long experienced some issues with confidence in the areas related to matters academic, and so I worked with her in exploring these.
I chose to use a Swish Pattern to replace these feelings with positive, confident ones and embarked upon the process after eliciting all the respective submodalities of how she presented things to herself.
The Swish was 90% effective but there remained a vestige of the representation of the ‘academic downsides’. It was one of those moments when if you stop and try and think your way round a problem then you are likely to be derailed, sunk or something equally un-useful. Bravo to the unconscious – who came to the rescue!
This vestige was “like a small but dense dark grey/green cloud” still up there to the left in her visual space.
Using part of the Cloud Technique, I “grabbed” hold of the clouded vestige and said, “I’m going to throw it out of the window – if that’s ok with you?” She replied it was, so, after making sure that I had got hold of all of it, and that there wasn’t anything left behind, I threw it out of the window and off into the distance where it duly “evaporated”.
“How do you feel about academic, now?” I enquired. She said she was happy to be rid of the negative feelings and, physiologically, this too was obvious.
My previous bloggings about the Cloud Technique are in the Blog Archives or you can contact Nigel Hetherington on his website Communicating Excellence at:-
http://www.communicatingexcellence.com/2009/11>
On our recent course integration day, I was taking the role of practitioner for my client partner. She had long experienced some issues with confidence in the areas related to matters academic, and so I worked with her in exploring these.
I chose to use a Swish Pattern to replace these feelings with positive, confident ones and embarked upon the process after eliciting all the respective submodalities of how she presented things to herself.
The Swish was 90% effective but there remained a vestige of the representation of the ‘academic downsides’. It was one of those moments when if you stop and try and think your way round a problem then you are likely to be derailed, sunk or something equally un-useful. Bravo to the unconscious – who came to the rescue!
This vestige was “like a small but dense dark grey/green cloud” still up there to the left in her visual space.
Using part of the Cloud Technique, I “grabbed” hold of the clouded vestige and said, “I’m going to throw it out of the window – if that’s ok with you?” She replied it was, so, after making sure that I had got hold of all of it, and that there wasn’t anything left behind, I threw it out of the window and off into the distance where it duly “evaporated”.
“How do you feel about academic, now?” I enquired. She said she was happy to be rid of the negative feelings and, physiologically, this too was obvious.
My previous bloggings about the Cloud Technique are in the Blog Archives or you can contact Nigel Hetherington on his website Communicating Excellence at:-
http://www.communicatingexcellence.com/2009/11>
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