Horses for Courses

The digital and the analogue

I encountered a client who described herself as having “an over-analytical mind.” Of course there are many of us that fall into such a category as well I know, and for a large chunk of my own life I too was a regular communicant visitor to this particular altar-rail.

Now having an analytical mind is the domain of the thinker, the thoughtful, the ordered and the logical. These are elements in our hard-wiredness that can serve both us and the world very well in the right context. Yet context for folk with such digital attributes is crucial, and what can be crucially constructive in one area can be crucially destructive in another.

Emotion, on the other hand, we might consider as not being the home town of the thinker, the thoughtful, the ordered and the logical. It is decidedly analogue in nature. And, like the over-analytical ones, there are the over-emotional folk for whom, in a perceptive sense, both constructive and destructive contexts emerge as a result of their hard-wired attributes.

For most of us, striving to achieve equilibrium within the mixture, the synthesis, of the digital and the analogue in our nature, this maps out how we are being – or how we are showing up – in the world.

Now, when, in the mind, the digital and the analogue in us share the same context, we begin to encounter dilemmas.

The particular dilemma for my client was that the Course she wanted to take was to:
Lose weight, be fit and healthy, sleep well, be less anxious and overcome her depressive moments, increase her confidence and become happy.

And she was endeavouring to ride that course with a Horse that had:
An over-analytical mind, a perfectionist nature, was her own harshest critic.

When, in her mind, the cold and logical meets the warm and emotional, the outcome is that­­ she gets “thrown”. 

And – here’s the thing – for as long as she intends to ride this course with this horse she will continue to get thrown.

Now, my client has a sharp intellect and an analytical mind.
She KNOWS this.
What will happen if I do this again?
What won’t happen if I do this again?
What will happen if I don’t do this again?
What won’t happen if I don’t do this again?

The Four Cartesian Questions provide her with everything she needs to start to make things change.

Changes

Now, when we encounter such things we know the changes can take many forms – yet, they come down to a few straightforward and conclusive pathways:

We can change the Course or
We can change the Horse or
We can change both the Course AND the Horse.

The easiest yet ultimately the most compromising choice is that we will change the Course.
We’ll put up with carrying a bit more weight, with not being as fit as we’d like. OK we know it’ll make us feel less confident than we want to be plus we’ll continue to be anxious and get depressed from time to time. We’ll tolerate that by assembling an array of excuses to moderate our disappointment and we may even throw in the delusion that we’ve made some changes – albeit these are only to the Course we originally wanted to take!

The hardest and most single-minded choice is that we will change the Horse.
We know this is the only way we can achieve what we really want for good and forever.
We tell ourselves that we are firmly resolved to change the Horse – even if we don’t yet know how we are going to do that.

There’s a simple, yet pivotal and intriguing story of five seagulls perched on the railings of a pier. One decides to fly away. How many are left?
Of course the answer is still five, because one has only decided to fly away. It is firmly resolved to fly away, even if it doesn’t know when or how. Yet, until it actually takes off there will still be five seagulls perched on the pier.

So, after the hardest choice of deciding to change the Horse, we might think the next hardest decision is to take some action. We can plan as much as we like about the how, when and what to do and where - yet that planning will count for nothing until there’s some action.

My client knew this so she took some action, and sought out some help.

So we talked about these metaphors, the course, the horse and the seagulls – and she admitted to being anxious.
“But what if I can’t fly?” she said.

Unlike the seagull, she had an analytical mind – worse still, an over-analytical mind – from whence came the postulate “but what if?”

The railings on the pier provide a secure base for the seagulls that wish to stand.
The perspective of “but what if” merely provides us with railings, like that.
Yet these are only a temporary security – the metaphorical railings buy us time, for we feel we need courage before we can let go and take flight.

She wants Confidence. It is on the Course she has chosen. She knows the only way to run that Course is to change the Horse. Yet to make her “but what if” questions get answered and go away she needs Courage – and for her Courage equates to Confidence.

The crucial thing for my client was to realise that the Horse will only be truly changed when she no longer asks the “but what if” questions.

Holding on or letting go.

I then showed her this picture and asked her to study it as I talked through a series of short statements.

The hand touched the rock.
The man’s hand felt the rock.
The climber’s hand gripped the rock.
The climber’s hand firmly gripped the rock as he reached up.
The climber used his hand’s firm grip on the rock to help lever his other hand and his feet into a position so to control his weight and balance allowing the climber to pull himself up onto the rock.
The climber’s hand let go of the rock and he stood up.

Alternatively

The hand touched the rock.
The man’s hand felt the rock.
The climber’s hand gripped the rock.
The climber’s hand firmly gripped the rock as he reached down.
The climber used his hand’s firm grip on the rock to help lever his other hand and his feet into a position so to control his weight and balance allowing the climber to lower himself onto the rock below.
The climber’s hand let go of the rock and he stood up.

She looked up and our eyes met for one of those infinite moments of suspended time. Then, as she handed me back the picture I said, 

“Keep it and study it every day. Keep it until the moment you know you are ready to let go and change the Horse.”